What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 10:20
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Do girls ever miss their first love?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We were not on the streets..
My ex got into a relationship within 2 weeks after a breakup. What should I do?
Was to survive, this bastard.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I could never make a relationship work though!
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I was scared of men, in general
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
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His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Are Americans really as uneducated and ignorant as portrayed in the media?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We all went to grammer schools
He resisted the act ,that day.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
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One cannot hold on to bitterness.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Put me off passion for life!!
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My life is so biszare .
She loved him until the end.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One cannot live in the past .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
So, i spoilt her more .
What’s the best way to get over someone you love?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
President Trump kicked Zelensky out of the White House. Is it over for a deal?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
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So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was seconnd youngest,
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Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My family never makes their pension either.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I write beautiful poetry .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And i lived it daily.
When she asked me how she looked .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I don,t even have a pension.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was 9 years of age.
She was in good health!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I will be 64.
What did i know ?
But it wasn’t much.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Ive learnt so much.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But, we were locked up after school.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
All the time i was locked up.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I think the readers, may guess!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
(And it was in our own minds.)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I have no regrets .
Comes on , in middle age.
Would this be the day?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Who then, do I blame.?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
It was going to be , some day.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was very sick at this time too.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But ive been too sick for many years..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She married twice! .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I never cut or harmed myself..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I said to her
I couldn’t, believe it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She found it foreign!.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I waited trembling.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Im still living with it.
This is soul school!.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
So whats the point in blame.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He knew the spot.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She wouldn,t have been !
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..